Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
