My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize