I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
