new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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