No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We are two peas in an std pod
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
