The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
