She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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