Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
