this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
