i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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