I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
