Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
