i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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