we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
