ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
