the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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