I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
