My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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