Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
