3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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