the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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