Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
