i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
