Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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