Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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