I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
