They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
