so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize