Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
