Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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