i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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