I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We got so high we made milksteak
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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