My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
