Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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