sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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