Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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