I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
