You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize