We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
why do cheetos always look like penises
my shit smells like andre
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
