The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
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so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.