I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?