false alarm. still invincible.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.