You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
