if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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