i was born a porn star she said
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
