so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
