He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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