That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
