he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
