its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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