six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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