I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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