Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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