and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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