I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
