did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
