He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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