Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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