How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Everything about him screamed your future.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
