The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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