I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I didn't notice because vodka
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
