She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
